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As a parent, it often feels like you’re juggling a circus act—bathing, dressing, feeding, teaching, and comforting your children while managing a seemingly endless list of needs. It’s exhausting but also rewarding to be so crucial in their lives. You might think, “They’re only little for a short time, so I’ll handle this now.”
Pause for a moment, though. One of your key roles as a parent is to prepare your child for an independent and self-sufficient future. If you frequently step in to help, you might unintentionally signal that your child is incapable of handling things on their own. So how can you balance nurturing with fostering independence and confidence?
Encourage “Big Kid” Skills
Think back to how empowering it felt to accomplish tasks on your own when you were a child. Create similar opportunities for your kids to feel accomplished and capable. Here are some ways to help them practice and gain confidence:
Self-Reliance - Let your child choose their own clothes, prepare snacks, or ask questions at a store. For instance, they might ask, “Excuse me, when will you restock the Legos?”
Helping Others - If you have a neighbor with a younger child, your child could help out by playing with or watching the younger child while their parent is busy.
Walking to Friends’ Houses - Depending on where you live, allow your child to walk to a friend’s house on their own.
Problem-Solving - If your child doesn’t know the answer to something, like the meaning of a word, suggest they look it up themselves.
Set Up a Chore Chart
Involving your children in household chores helps them feel capable and fosters independence. Start with simple tasks and gradually introduce more as they grow. For example, a two-year-old can help put away toys, a four-year-old can assist with feeding pets, and a six-year-old can handle putting away laundry. The American Academy of Adolescent and Child Psychiatry offers additional age-appropriate chore suggestions.
Introduce Allowances
Linking chores to an allowance, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics, teaches children valuable money management skills. Choose chores that benefit the household rather than just the child, such as unloading the dishwasher. Start with a small amount of money and increase it as your child gets older. Help them divide their earnings into three categories: “save,” “spend,” and “give.” This approach teaches them to save for future goals, decide on worthwhile purchases, and contribute to others, whether it’s siblings or charitable causes.
Children grow up quickly, but you can savor the present while preparing them for a self-reliant future. Balancing support with opportunities for independence ensures they are ready to handle life’s challenges with confidence.
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